1 from sys import exit
  2 from random import randint
  3 
  4 def death():
  5     quips = ["You died.  You kinda suck at this.",
  6              "Nice job, you died ...jackass.",
  7              "Such a luser.",
  8              "I have a small puppy that‘s better at this."]
  9 
 10     print quips[randint(0, len(quips)-1)]
 11     exit(1)
 12 
 13 
 14 def central_corridor():
 15     print "The Gothons of Planet Percal #25 have invaded your ship and destroyed"
 16     print "your entire crew.  You are the last surviving member and your last"
 17     print "mission is to get the neutron destruct bomb from the Weapons Armory,"
 18     print "put it in the bridge, and blow the ship up after getting into an "
 19     print "escape pod."
 20     print "\n"
 21     print "You‘re running down the central corridor to the Weapons Armory when"
 22     print "a Gothon jumps out, red scaly skin, dark grimy teeth, and evil clown costume"
 23     print "flowing around his hate filled body.  He‘s blocking the door to the"
 24     print "Armory and about to pull a weapon to blast you."
 25 
 26     action = raw_input("> ")
 27 
 28     if action == "shoot!":
 29         print "Quick on the draw you yank out your blaster and fire it at the Gothon."
 30         print "His clown costume is flowing and moving around his body, which throws"
 31         print "off your aim.  Your laser hits his costume but misses him entirely.  This"
 32         print "completely ruins his brand new costume his mother bought him, which"
 33         print "makes him fly into an insane rage and blast you repeatedly in the face until"
 34         print "you are dead.  Then he eats you."
 35         return ‘death‘
 36 
 37     elif action == "dodge!":
 38         print "Like a world class boxer you dodge, weave, slip and slide right"
 39         print "as the Gothon‘s blaster cranks a laser past your head."
 40         print "In the middle of your artful dodge your foot slips and you"
 41         print "bang your head on the metal wall and pass out."
 42         print "You wake up shortly after only to die as the Gothon stomps on"
 43         print "your head and eats you."
 44         return ‘death‘
 45 
 46     elif action == "tell a joke":
 47         print "Lucky for you they made you learn Gothon insults in the academy."
 48         print "You tell the one Gothon joke you know:"
 49         print "Lbhe zbgure vf fb sng, jura fur fvgf nebhaq gur ubhfr, fur fvgf nebhaq gur ubhfr."
 50         print "The Gothon stops, tries not to laugh, then busts out laughing and can‘t move."
 51         print "While he‘s laughing you run up and shoot him square in the head"
 52         print "putting him down, then jump through the Weapon Armory door."
 53         return ‘laser_weapon_armory‘
 54 
 55     else:
 56         print "DOES NOT COMPUTE!"
 57         return ‘central_corridor‘
 58 
 59 def laser_weapon_armory():
 60     print "You do a dive roll into the Weapon Armory, crouch and scan the room"
 61     print "for more Gothons that might be hiding.  It‘s dead quiet, too quiet."
 62     print "You stand up and run to the far side of the room and find the"
 63     print "neutron bomb in its container.  There‘s a keypad lock on the box"
 64     print "and you need the code to get the bomb out.  If you get the code"
 65     print "wrong 10 times then the lock closes forever and you can‘t"
 66     print "get the bomb.  The code is 3 digits."
 67     code = "%d%d%d" % (randint(1,9), randint(1,9), randint(1,9))
 68     guess = raw_input("[keypad]> ")
 69     guesses = 0
 70 
 71     while guess != code and guesses < 10:
 72         print "BZZZZEDDD!"
 73         guesses += 1
 74         guess = raw_input("[keypad]> ")
 75 
 76     if guess == code:
 77         print "The container clicks open and the seal breaks, letting gas out."
 78         print "You grab the neutron bomb and run as fast as you can to the"
 79         print "bridge where you must place it in the right spot."
 80         return ‘the_bridge‘
 81     else:
 82         print "The lock buzzes one last time and then you hear a sickening"
 83         print "melting sound as the mechanism is fused together."
 84         print "You decide to sit there, and finally the Gothons blow up the"
 85         print "ship from their ship and you die."
 86         return ‘death‘
 87 
 88 
 89 def the_bridge():
 90     print "You burst onto the Bridge with the neutron destruct bomb"
 91     print "under your arm and surprise 5 Gothons who are trying to"
 92     print "take control of the ship.  Each of them has an even uglier"
 93     print "clown costume than the last.  They haven‘t pulled their"
 94     print "weapons out yet, as they see the active bomb under your"
 95     print "arm and don‘t want to set it off."
 96     
 97     action = raw_input("> ")
 98 
 99     if action == "throw the bomb":
100         print "In a panic you throw the bomb at the group of Gothons"
101         print "and make a leap for the door.  Right as you drop it a"
102         print "Gothon shoots you right in the back killing you."
103         print "As you die you see another Gothon frantically try to disarm"
104         print "the bomb. You die knowing they will probably blow up when"
105         print "it goes off."
106         return ‘death‘
107 
108     elif action == "slowly place the bomb":
109         print "You point your blaster at the bomb under your arm"
110         print "and the Gothons put their hands up and start to sweat."
111         print "You inch backward to the door, open it, and then carefully"
112         print "place the bomb on the floor, pointing your blaster at it."
113         print "You then jump back through the door, punch the close button"
114         print "and blast the lock so the Gothons can‘t get out."
115         print "Now that the bomb is placed you run to the escape pod to"
116         print "get off this tin can."
117         return ‘escape_pod‘
118     else:
119         print "DOES NOT COMPUTE!"
120         return "the_bridge"
121 
122 def escape_pod():
123     print "You rush through the ship desperately trying to make it to"
124     print "the escape pod before the whole ship explodes.  It seems like"
125     print "hardly any Gothons are on the ship, so your run is clear of"
126     print "interference.  You get to the chamber with the escape pods, and"
127     print "now need to pick one to take.  Some of them could be damaged"
128     print "but you don‘t have time to look.  There‘s 5 pods, which one"
129     print "do you take?"
130 
131     good_pod = randint(1,5)
132     guess = raw_input("[pod #]> ")
133 
134 
135     if int(guess) != good_pod:
136         print "You jump into pod %s and hit the eject button." % guess
137         print "The pod escapes out into the void of space, then"
138         print "implodes as the hull ruptures, crushing your body"
139         print "into jam jelly."
140         return ‘death‘
141     else:
142         print "You jump into pod %s and hit the eject button." % guess
143         print "The pod easily slides out into space heading to"
144         print "the planet below.  As it flies to the planet, you look"
145         print "back and see your ship implode then explode like a"
146         print "bright star, taking out the Gothon ship at the same"
147         print "time.  You won!"
148         exit(0)
149 
150 
151 ROOMS = {
152     ‘death‘: death,
153     ‘central_corridor‘: central_corridor,
154     ‘laser_weapon_armory‘: laser_weapon_armory,
155     ‘the_bridge‘: the_bridge,
156     ‘escape_pod‘: escape_pod
157 }
158 
159 
160 def runner(map, start):
161     next = start
162 
163     while True:
164         room = map[next]
165         print "\n--------"
166         next = room()
167 
168 runner(ROOMS, ‘central_corridor‘)